The past few days have been interesting to say the least. One journey has come to an end and other is about to begin, a journey full of possibilities and opportunities, a chance to fully understand and experience my full potential.
Last Wednesday my time at the Court came to an end, despite the circumstances I look upon it as wish fulfilled, I have no real bitter feeling or thought about it, quite the opposite. Although I leave people behind that I would never have chosen, I’m sure I’ll miss them to some extent. It only occurred to me at the time that whatever impact they’ve had and whatever lesions they’ve taught me, I have in turn for them, done the same in equal measure.
In actuality, I feel as though a great weight has been listed. That undercurrent, that invisible negativity that seeps from the walls from the floor, from the people; which was the source of energy upon which I reacted, is no longer an affect variable. Within an instant, my disgust with certain people turned to disappointment and pity. To realise that the giant grey monsters to which you feared and loathed in equal measures are nothing but small and limited egomaniacs, who are a threat to no one but themselves. It would be unfortunate for me with this realisation to belittle them; not only would it show I’ve learnt nothing over the past 3 ½ years, but would merit attention which is undeserved. Instead, as a human being, I’ll accept them as they are something they could never do toward me.
People speak of a work life balance in which (it is claimed) exists a multiple self. This is a fallacy; though it could be said that we are complex beings with simple wants, needs and desires. There are many contradictions about the human condition which unsuccessfully try to give meaning and a sense of fixity against the omnipresent ever-changing backdrop of nature.
We are conditioned to some extent to fear change and apply this learned behaviour to fear those who seek to bring about change. We sometimes fear a person we don’t understand, which is nothing to get angry about; if anything it’s an opportunity for personal growth.
“I do the best I know how, the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing it to the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me will not amount to anything. If the end brings me out all wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference” – A Lincoln
